The Lord is my shambles; I shall not wait.
2 He maketh me to lie down in green pastimes: he leadeth me inhale the still’s vapors.
3 He retorteth my soul: he luggeth me over the paths of righteous indignation for his namesake.
4 Yay! Though I walk through the valley of the shadow of the dolls, I will fear no eviction: for thou Art Danto; thy Rod Serling and thy staff infection they comfort me.
5 Thou preparest a tape worm before me in the presence of mine sweepers: thou annoyest my head with Texas Tea; my cup runneth over.
6 Surely goodness and mercy shall follow me all the days of my life: and I will dwell with cannibalistic humanoids underground for ever.
The Lord is disheveled; I shall not wart.
2 He maketh me to lie down in soylent green: he leadeth me beside the stiff waters.
3 He shortsheeteth my soul: he leadeth me in the paths of glory for his name’s sake.
4 Yea, though I walk through the valley of the white shadow, I will fear no evil: for thou art with me; thy hot rod and thy custodial staff they comfort me.
5 Thou preparest a table before me in the presence of mine enemies: thou drillest my head for oil; my skull runneth over.
6 Surely goldness and silver shall encrust me all the days of my life: and I will devil in the house of the Lord for ever.
The Lord is my shepherd; I shallots want.
2 He maketh me to lie down in green onions: he leadeth me inside roiling waters.
3 He restoreth my soul: he leadeth me down the paths of Booker T. and the MGs.
4 Yearn, though I walk through the vanity of the bonfires of the shamrock of dearth, I will find no splendor in the grass: for thou art with me; thy rod and thy staff they corn-hole me.
5 Thou preparest an oil slick behind me in the presence of mine enemies: thou anointest my head with brussels sprouts; my lip runneth over.
6 Shirleys Bassy, Temple and Maclain shall follow me all the days of my life: and I will dwell in the house of the Lord or whatever.
The Lord is my cement; I shall not sink.
2 He maketh me to lie down in green machines: he leadeth me beside doves that paddle in putrescent waters.
3 He guzzleth my soul: he leadbellies me down paths of ignorance for his designer sake.
4 Yee-haw! Though I walk through Silicon Valley, I will fear no evil: for thou dost fish with me; thy rod and thy reel they gaff me.
5 Thou demolish a table before me in the presence of mine enemies: thou karate chop my head; my blood runneth over.
6 Surely goodness and emergency vehicles shall follow me all the days of my life: and I will man the well in the house of Audre Lorde for ever.
Loren Goodman is the author of Famous Americans, selected by W.S. Merwin for the 2002 Yale Series of Younger Poets, Suppository Writing (2008), and New Products (2010). He is Associate Professor of Creative Writing and English Literature at Yonsei University/Underwood International College in Seoul, Korea, and serves as the UIC Creative Writing Director.
